She Likes It

…but I want to go home.

I just got back from California today and the one thing that I am sure of is that I am incredibly homesick. I did not want to leave and when I arrived, I wasn’t happy to be back. It took awhile but I realize that Southern California is where my heart is.

Freshman and sophomore year I used to say that only two things ever made me homesick — big family parties and Disneyland — but now I find myself missing every single component of my trips home.

I don’t know what the sudden change is but the fact that I want to stay home is really telling me that I am not happy with myself in Seattle.

Although, the last thing I want would be for anyone to take my unhappiness personally. The folks that I care about up here have been my only source of happiness lately. They keep my energy up and they keep me positive. It’s only when I’m left alone that I really don’t feel peaceful or like I want to be here.

When I was at home over this weekend. I felt like I was where I wanted to be. 

I don’t think there’s anything someone else can do to help me want to be here though. I feel like I need to find myself an intrinsic sense of happiness. Let the search begin…